Empty Nest, Full Heart (and Slightly Unhinged Hormones!)

The house is quieter now. The laundry pile has shrunk, the grocery bill is (slightly) more manageable, and I can finally put something in the snack drawer without it disappearing in 2 hours.

This is the moment I imagined during those chaotic, sticky-fingered, homework-fueled years. A time when I could finally sit on the couch without stepping on Legos or being interrupted mid-thought. It’s a phase filled with possibility, freedom, and… a strange, lingering ache.

Because here's the thing no one tells you about becoming an empty nester: you can be genuinely excited about this new chapter and deeply miss your kids at the same time. You can feel a quiet, gut-pulling sadness and also beam with pride when you see your child thriving out in the world. All of these feelings exist side by side, sometimes in the span of a single morning.

Your nest may be empty, but your heart is anything but. It’s full of love, memories, pride, and a new kind of hope for what comes next. For them and for you.

Grief and Gratitude, All in One Go!

But then there are the mornings I walk past those empty bedrooms and feel a pang so sharp it catches me off guard. Or the holidays that feel off, even if the table is still full.

And just when I thought I might find a new rhythm, when I had the time, the space, and the desire to reconnect with my partner, along comes perimenopause. An uninvited guest who brought hot flashes, mood swings, and a total disinterest in sex as a "bonus" party favor.

There are moments when I revel in the quiet. I read books without hiding in the bathroom. I can book a last-minute weekend trip without organizing a logistics spreadsheet worthy of a military operation.

Nice Timing, Mother Nature

It’s a cruel twist of midlife: your body goes through one of its biggest hormonal shifts at the exact same time you finally have a quiet house to reignite intimacy. Except now, you might not feel like it.

And if you do feel like it, your body (or your partners!) might not exactly cooperate.

If you’re navigating this maddening contradiction, you're not alone. I wrote more about it in a previous blog post: When Intimacy Gets Complicated: Rekindling Connection in Midlife. It’s honest, hopeful, and maybe just what you need if this season has you feeling less “hot and bothered” and more just... bothered.

You'd think that with the kids out of the house, we’d be lighting candles and rediscovering each other like a Cialis commercial. Instead, I’m looking up “why does my skin feel like sandpaper?” while my partner gently suggests we go to bed early and I wonder if that means to actually sleep or to, you know, try.

This Phase is Yours, Too!

Now’s the time to rediscover who you are beyond “Mom.” To wear the clothes that make you feel like yourself again. To pick up hobbies you never had time for. To find joy in your own company, and maybe even in your partner’s again (once you stop snapping at them for breathing too loudly.)

So here’s to the empty nesters who cry in Target when they pass the dorm room display and toast their new freedom with champagne on a Tuesday.

To those of us living in the space between missing what was and being curious about what’s next.

Yes, it’s complicated. Yes, it’s emotional.

But also? It’s a beginning.

Even if it comes with annoying night sweats!

Despite the weird mix of emotions and body betrayals, this new phase is still yours. And while the house may be quieter, your life doesn’t have to be.

5 Ways to (try to...) Cure the Empty Nest Blues

Crying in the frozen food aisle every time you pass the chicken nuggets? Relatable. But not sustainable.
Here are 5 simple ways to care for yourself and find new joy in this season:

1. Make Self-Care Non-Negotiable

Self-care in midlife isn’t just a trendy buzzword, it’s survival. And no, I don’t mean bubble baths and a glass of wine (though if that helps, go for it). I mean the stuff that keeps you grounded: drinking water before coffee, getting outside, saying no without guilt, and checking in on your mental health before you’re googling “Am I having a nervous breakdown or just tired?”

This is the time to take yourself off the back burner. You’ve spent years showing up for everyone else, and now it’s your turn. Need a few realistic, doable ideas? I’ve got you covered here: Surviving Midlife with a Smile: My Top 5 Self-Care Musts.

2. Try Something You’ve Never Done (Or Haven’t Done in Years)

When your calendar isn’t jam-packed with carpools and school plays, the sudden stretch of open time can feel exciting. Or completely disorienting. But here’s the opportunity: that "someday" thing you always wanted to try? Someday just became now.

Take a class. Start a creative project. Learn to bake sourdough (or fail spectacularly and order takeout). You don’t need to monetize it or be good at it, you just need to enjoy it. It’s not about filling the time; it’s about filling your soul.

And if you have no idea where to start? That’s okay too. Exploration counts as a hobby.

3. Reconnect with Old Friends (or Make New Ones Who Don’t Need Diaper Bags)

Midlife can be surprisingly lonely. Especially when the friendships that revolved around kids' activities drift away. But connection is still vital, maybe now more than ever.

Reach out to an old friend just because. Say yes to the coffee invitation. Or join that neighborhood book club, walking group, or wine night, even if you feel awkward at first. (Spoiler alert: others' probably felt awkward when they joined too.)

You’re not the only one craving deeper conversation, laughter, and a little human connection outside your houseplants and streaming queue.

4. Make Plans That Don’t Revolve Around School Breaks

You don’t need to wait for school breaks or major holidays to do something fun or meaningful. For years, your schedule probably ran on everyone else’s timelines. Now you get to choose!

Book a weekend getaway just because. Take yourself on a solo museum date. Plan a random Tuesday movie night in your comfiest robe with your favorite snacks and zero shame. The freedom might feel strange at first, but trust me, there’s joy in claiming your own time.

Give yourself permission to create a life that doesn’t just revolve around being needed by others. You deserve a calendar that includes your priorities.

This is your chance to reconnect, not just romantically (though yes, that too…eventually), but emotionally and intentionally. Talk about what you want this next phase to look like. Dream together. Laugh again. Figure out who you are as a couple without the constant background noise of parenting.

And don’t forget the relationship with you. Midlife is an invitation to get reacquainted with the woman behind the to-do list. What lights you up now? What have you outgrown? Who do you want to be, not just for others, but for yourself?

It’s not about going back to who you were. It’s about discovering who you are now, and letting your relationships evolve along with you.

5. Redefine Your Relationship (With Your Partner and Yourself)

For years, your relationship may have revolved around kids’ schedules, soccer games, school projects, and trying to have a conversation without being interrupted by someone needing a snack. Now that the house is quieter, you're suddenly face-to-face with your partner, and maybe even yourself, in a new way.

This season may feel unfamiliar. Equal parts freeing and fragile. But you don’t have to have it all figured out. Grieve what’s changed, celebrate what’s possible, and give yourself grace for all the messy in-between. The nest may be empty, but your life is still full of love, purpose, and potential.

Here’s to rediscovering YOU! One laugh, one hot flash, and one chicken nugget-free grocery trip at a time.

Final Thoughts